Why Celebrate Sad Birthday?

After our stillbirth, my husband and I were sitting in the park on a beautiful spring morning. It was jarring how excellent the weather was, how there was joy to be had. It felt like we were the only ones with puffy eyes and headaches from crying. We saw a birthday party being set up and it gave us a chuckle to imagine our balloons if we set up our party that morning.

“How much suffering there is to get through!” -Rainer Maria Rilke.

Parenthood. Loss. Reality.
My personal experience with an unexplained stillbirth (two days before my due date) plunged me into an abyss of unexpected suffering.

Directly due to this experience I have learned the stories of so many who have lost their pregnancies and children. My eyes have been opened to the realities of life. How when we choose to become a parent we really are choosing to ride the fine line of life and death, admitting our position in this universe that we cannot control what happens to us.

There’s some mystical therapeutic effect that happens when I see my experiences visualized in a drawing. The act of putting a feeling to paper helps me give presence to the voice that is screaming to be heard inside me and also helps me to find the precious humor that carries me through the effects of trauma. 

Human life is steeped in universal shared experiences and every time I share a raw moment of comedy or tragedy- I find I’m met with solidarity in the form of laughs, hugs and tears. I hope that my drawings bring you perspective, empathy and hopefully a little spark of light amidst your day-to-day. Through my work I celebrate parenthood, the joy and the pain with you my Sisters and Brothers.